We filtered into the cold, spacious room for the first class of the new semester. It smelled like concrete, metal, and chemicals. Our photography teacher was fiddling with something at his desk so the rest of us were getting settled in the new environment with new people.
Josh was there—one of the only familiar faces to me. We’d been classmates for 8 years. He was a ridiculous, hilarious kid. But today, I was pretty sure he was going to be clobbered into a pulp.
Always the class clown, he started engaging some punk 9th grader whose language already made it clear he wasn’t going to be messed with.
I sat and watched, wondering when my friend was going to get the beat-down.
Miraculously, as Josh worked away at this punk, he somehow not only “disarmed” and “de-escalated” the tension, but actually drew out true laughter from Mr. Tough Guy. Josh had turned someone who had presented as an enemy into a friend. I was dumbfounded and amazed.
Josh had a seemingly magical power to soften difficult situations, elevate energy, create entertainment and enjoyment out of the mundane.
He had mastered humor, and I wanted to learn what he instinctually understood.
Secret Powers of Humor
Humor has a way with people. Jesters were likely the only people who could tell the truth—”say it how it is”—to royalty and not lose their lives for such a thing.
It’s hard to corroborate this (I don’t have sufficient access to credible sources), but it does, at least, make sense to modern minds that truths—even harsh truths—told in a way that allows us to laugh at ourselves is so much easier to take than a cold, menacing message communicating the same thing.
Much of the content of comedians has to do with telling the truth. Comedians look at what’s really happening in the world and they tell that truth. Sometimes it’s looking at things in a different way. Sometimes it’s offensive. Sometimes it’s a unique pairing of two opposites.
It all adds up to an experience where we can feel tension and discomfort and then release that with laughter.
Humor also asks something of us as listeners/viewers. We have to be willing to put ourselves in a vulnerable situation. Even if you’re aren’t literally the butt of a comedian’s joke, it’s likely something their routine touches on will relate to you personally.
As we practice suspending our ego and taking a look at ourselves from this “outside” perspective, we can find insights, develop empathy, and even change our minds.
Humor can cut through the facades. It can unite different groups of people. It can calm fears. It can console. It can help us get through the worst experiences of our lives.
Turns out, the “fool” is kind of an important role in society.
Dangers and Humor
Not to make a sweeping statement, but there are a lot of instances where comedy is a coping mechanism for extremely difficult and traumatic circumstances.
I read “Will,” by Will Smith and Mark Manson earlier this year. It was stunningly honest, introspective, and entertaining. In it, Will Smith reveals the traumatic family life he experienced growing up that brought out this “funny guy” role for him.
As long as everyone was laughing, they weren’t getting hurt.
I have no idea about the psychology or any other studies done, but I would venture to say that we should give more grace to the class clowns, the goofy ones, the jokesters. There’s always more under the surface than we will know, trauma or not.
Cyborg
The use of humor can be applied throughout all of our physical and digital experiences. It’s a tool like any other.
As a YouTuber, I have received some less-than-kind comments. I’ve had comments that are overly aggressive and rude. I will say that it’s a minority—I know many other creators that get hammered much more than I ever have; I deserve no pity or sympathy as my experience has been largely positive.
Still, I’ve found that humor is a great way to de-escalate the heat for many of the comments. I’ve tried responding light-heartedly, offering self-deprecating humor, or validating / poking fun at the same part of the video that is being criticized. This can help people remember that I’m a human, too—and you can feel the difference when they comment again in response.
Context of the image above: This comment was not rude, but it is pointing out the poor job I did in recording an interview outside. Lots of people complained about the bird in this series—it was very loud and made it difficult to hear the actual story.
That’s not to say some comments should even be given the time of day. Always temper an exploration of tools like this with the wisdom you have within you.
Be safe. Don’t engage if you can’t do so safely—however “safely” might mean in the situation. Delete / turn off comments. Ignore them. Report them. Humor is just one possible tool.
I have noticed I’ve taken myself too seriously lately. I’ve defaulted to feeling threatened, diminished, devalued, dismissed. I’ll be exploring where I can insert some humor into my life again.
Our tech can sometimes trap us in feelings like this. I don’t think that looking at more funny viral videos is the answer to inserting humor into my life. I do think a lot of the value comes from creating my own laughter. Becoming a comedian again in my real-life relationships.
Maybe it can help you, too?
To more laughter!